the audience has no idea: an ayem enda fanmix

[ichbin]

01. the nearly deads - changeover
and if i had an identity in the first place, i'd be losing myself at an alarming rate.

exit lisa rothschild, the sickly, pale girl who would have been stuck in a hospital bed for the rest of her life, if not for the mysterious benefactor that offered to use her as a test subject.

02. my chemical romance - na na na (na na na na na na na na)
i'd rather go to hell than be in purgatory!

enter ayem enda, the kickass lizard girl who doesn't let anything get her down and only cares about running, fucking, and living life as awesomely as she can do it! and, you know, if she burns some familial bridges along the way, then that's a little unfortunate, but.

03. voxtrot - firecracker
did you turn your back on me? or did i turn myself against myself?

if she says that this is who she is enough, then eventually her family has to believe it, right? eventually she has to believe it, too. that's the way it works. that has to be the way it works.

04. linkin park - lying from you
i'd rather be all alone. no turning back now.

fine. fine! if her family can't let her be who she is, if her family can't see that she's always been ayem enda and that lisa rothschild is dead, then there won't be another member of the rothschild family.

05. panic at the disco - hurricane
fix me or just conflict me, 'cause i'll take anything.

funny thing about wayward 19-year-olds who just had a huge falling out with their parents. someone comes along saying they can give them a purpose again, and they'll dance to anything.

06. queensrÿche - revolution calling
for a price i'll do about anything except pull the trigger.

the war they wanted ayem to fight was as old as history, but it gave her the chance to flex her skills as the shadowrunner she knew she was born to be. it gave her direction. it gave her money. and maybe... maybe she could make it bloodless. if she tried.

07. halestorm - freak like me
write your name in gasoline and set that shit on fire!

she bought into it pretty hard. the shadowrunning group she'd fallen into were her best friends. her confidantes. her lovers, in a couple cases. but the longer she stayed in it, the less likely it seemed she would be able to get out of it without bringing more death into the world.

08. fake problems - 5678
i got a really funny feeling that i'm going to hell if i don't make it to heaven on time.

and if anyone. anyone in the group found out that she wasn't going to kill anyone? she'd lose it all. everything would fall apart and she'd be back on the streets again. what goes up must come down.

09. x ambassadors - nervous
i get nervous when i'm happy.

ayem knew her days were numbered with this group. their raids were getting bloodier. more and more people were dying, hers and theirs alike, and there were only so many people she could save. how many had to die before she saved herself?

10. dirt poor robins - i shot a man
now heaven's heights i cannot stand, because i shot a man.

11. the acro-brats - day late, dollar short
once more you're running 'round in circles just to prove you knew the answers all the while.

ayem left the running group. she couldn't stay with it after what she did. she didn't know what she'd do—maybe some bullshit no-violence heists or whatever—but she couldn't stay with the group after what she'd done. she couldn't live with herself.

12. a wilhelm scream - i wipe my ass with showbiz
how i tried to buy my soul back, but the devil bent me over for it.

but the corporations weren't done with her yet. they gave her even better bioware. something more experimental, more valuable. more debt. more to owe. and just like that, she was back in the business. not for the joy of it, though. to stay alive.

13. afi - i am trying very hard to be here
so lose your past; i'm sure you'll find it's in the way all the time.

the new running group. two detectives, maybe from the same walk of life as ayem. a posh-ass street samurai. a russian hobgoblin, probably older than all of them put together. and the one thing keeping them together is just... an enormous amount of debt. but they don't have to know a damn thing about ayem.

14. mindless self indulgence - hey tomorrow fuck you and your friend yesterday
if i was going to kill myself, i would tell you.

it would just be... so much easier to stop running. to let the corporation take what's theirs and live up to the failure that ayem's life has been to this point. really bookend things, you know? disappoint everyone who's ever given half a shit about her.

15. icon for hire - counting on hearts
some things are worth fighting for; all we need are hearts like yours.

but there's a reason she hasn't yet. she can still make things better. she still thinks she can, at least. she can get people to care about her like her parents once did. like the old running group did. as long as the people are there to begin with.